Damaged
by Emo-Shukun
Summary: Ichigo and Toushirou got into a big argument and half of Seireitei was destroyed, but the captain doesn't remember it. As punishment, Toushirou is to live with Ichigo until they can be friends. Sadly, that won't happen anytime soon.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 01**

**Damaged**

**Now—**

There were dirty looks everywhere he went. At meetings with other captains, around his division where everyone has been gossiping none stop, even just walking to the bathhouse. His lieutenant and best friend would hardly look at his face. They would briefly talk to him if he asked a question. Other than that, it felt like complete isolation from Soul Society as everyone tried to rebuild what was destroyed in the accident. His mind processed that one of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's experiments went out of control, but the amount of destruction did not make sense. Too much was destroyed for it to be a single experiment; every division was struck hard by whatever happened two months ago. In his opinion, it looked like all the Shinigami went on vacation and allowed a group of Hollow to watch over Seireitei.

A Hell butterfly appeared in front him to deliver a message that he was being summoned by the old Commanding-General. It was the first time that the codger acknowledged him since the incident around Soul Society happened, making him quicken his pace a step faster. Eyes of disgust and hate was everywhere. Even the bubble Kusajishi Yachiru scowled at the sight of him. He did now know why all of these people hated him suddenly when he has done nothing but attempt at rebuilding his division.

"You will have no choice but to make things right between you and Hitsugaya-Taichou!" He heard the old man yelling at someone. His reiatsu dropped so that he would have a chance to listen in before he made himself present. "Granted, it was his fault for the cause, but you did the physical damages here."  
>"I understand, but I'm the one to blame for all of this, not him." Eyes nearly rolled at hearing the voice of the once Shinigami Substitute, but listened at his unreadable tone. "It wasn't his fault I chose a bad time to approach him, and it's not his fault that I nearly destroyed Seireitei when I was upset."<br>"Don't attempt to lessen his punishment! It was Hitsugaya-Taichou that drove you to your destructive behavior that night. The only reason why he is still a Taichou is that you begged for his pardon and suggested that he lose his memory of that night instead of being locked up!" The old man was furious.  
>"I'm not trying to <em>lessen<em> anything." It was amazing that Kurosaki Ichigo was still calm. "It was my fault that he lashed out, and it's my fault that I lost control of myself. All he did was speak his mind and tell the truth about—" Crap, the captain knew he was sensed. "Why were we summoned anyway?

Choosing now, Hitsugaya Toushirou knocked and entered the office. To his surprise, all the captains and lieutenants were present, but Ichigo was the only one standing in front of the old man. It looked as if it were a courtroom, so he attempted to be next to the rest of the captains. The Commanding-General scolded him and told him to step forth for his mission that he was going to receive. After hearing the two talking, he was getting closer to the truth about the day that was supposedly a bad experiment.

"The Fukutaichou had come up with an idea to bring things to normal," the grumpy elder started. "The idea has been considered by all captains, myself included." His attention went to the small captain. "You are discharged from your duties until further notice. From now until further notice, you will be living under Kurosaki Ichigo's roof." Toushirou nearly winced at the venom dripping from the elder's lips before looking at Ichigo to see that he was not affected by this. "Once you arrive, you are forbidden to leave your gigai or use any Shinigami abilities unless you are sensing Kurosaki Ichigo's location. Although I would allow you permission to contact others in Soul Society, I will also forbid this, _unless_, Kurosaki Ichigo is present for face-to-face conversations. Otherwise, he will be talking for you through phones."

Toushirou cringed at the demands but tried to speak, "I'm sorry, but I don't see how this is a mission—"

"Silence!" Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni spat furiously. "You are to follow his orders as well. If you fail to obey any of these orders, and it will be Kurosaki Ichigo that takes your position!" The little captain could not believe that he was being humiliated like this in front of everyone. "Kurotsuchi-Taichou will be watching for you Shinigami activities intently. The moment you leave your gigai, you will be brought back to Soul Society, and stripped from your position. You need to learn some respect for others!"

"B—" Toushirou was interrupted.

"That's unfair for him. What if I'm in the middle of classes and a Hollow is after him? He needs to defend himself." Ichigo tried to lighten the restriction, but the glare he received said otherwise. The Strawberry sighed softly before looking at the others. "If I agree, will the rest of you stop treating him like trash?"

The captains and lieutenants were silent at first.

Hinamori Momo looked at Toushirou to a second before looking at Ichigo. "Shi—" She started over before she could call Toushirou by the childish name. "Hitsugaya-Taichou hurt you, Kurosaki-kun. All the things he said were really painful to hear." The Peach tried to explain. "Also… since then… you… um…"  
>"You haven't been yourself." Renji scoffed as he crossed his arms. "Ever since he was a jerk to you and caused you to go ballistic, you haven't once showed any emotion, and you can't hide the fact that you're hurting deep down." He teeth clenched, seething now. "The fact that you try hiding it is painful enough."<br>"What Renji's trying to say, Ichigo," Kuchiki Rukia interfered. "Is that we're really concerned about you, and we know that you've been helping around with the damages here, but we all can see that you don't want to be here." Ichigo was about to retort, but she beat him. "Just try to start over, for everyone."  
>Matsumoto Rangiku finally decided to speak her mind. "I don't think any of will forgive Taichou until we see you smiling again. What better way than to have Taichou obey your every word anyway? This way, he can things in an entirely different way than before." She smiled weakly. "Do it for us, and for you."<p>

Ichigo sighed and looked to Toushirou, "and you? Do you agree with these ridiculous restrictions?"

Why was this carrot top the only one trying to acknowledge him—why was he the only person concerned about his feelings? What was everyone talking about; would they really alter his memories because of something he verbally said to this man? There was not many things that could make him lose his façade unless it was someone pestering him or others acting like children. However… Ichigo was very good at getting under his skin and bringing out the worst of him, but was this supposed to be the case?

His gaze lowered to the ground, then to the Commanding-General. "I accept the terms."  
>"You leave now then," Shigekuni looked at Ichigo. "Only you can determine it."<br>Ichigo sighed softly, "fine." He looked to Toushirou, "come on, let's go."  
>For a moment, he wanted to fight back, but followed him. "…"<br>"Hitsugaya-Taichou," the elder called, making him flinch.  
>"Yes… Soutaichou?" Said captain turned to him.<br>"Be on your best behavior, or else."

"That sounded like a threat, Yama-Jii." Ichigo spoke calmly, as if it did not relate to him. "If he is under my care, I should assume that he is to listen to me since you have given him the restrictions, correct?" The Commanding-General snorted and returned to writing a report. "Hey," the little captain gave him an almost hurt gaze because of the confusion he was receiving. "We'll go to your quarters to gather your Zanpakutou and any other thing that you would like to take, okay?" With a small nod, they left.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry we have to share a room for now. I've been trying to move out, but I'm busy with the finals that are coming up at school." Ichigo sounded as dull and boring as he did when he was talking to the cranky old man back in Seireitei. "I'll explain things to my family about your stay before I bring up a futon for you. Whether you take my bed or take the futon makes no difference to me. Please excuse—"<p>

"What happened." The captain interrupted with a bit of attitude. No answer. "Why I lost my memories."

There was a long silence, "I said something that upset you. In return, you said something that upset me, and I lost control." He gave a curt nod. "Please excuse me, I'll be back with the bedding in ten minutes."

Toushirou watched him quietly close the door to the bedroom, but he wondered what excuse was he going to tell the family members? Instantly, he heard Ichigo's father talking in an unhappy tone about his presence in the Kurosaki residence after what happened two months ago. Ichigo remained calm and emotionless as he stated that there was nothing he could do about it because they were under the orders of the Commanding-General himself. It made the ex-captain bite his tongue, but the sounds of Ichigo's two came up the stairs, asking how long their friend was staying this time.

"He's staying here for a little longer than last time he was here, so please be kind to him." Toushirou heard him sound professional, but it was not the Strawberry he knew. "Yuzu, Karin, please don't pester him too much." There was silence amongst the family. "Anyway, did you make plans for dinner, Yuzu?"

"Yup! We're having beef teriyaki and dried persimmons! I wanted to try something new!"

The captain gagged at the thought of having to eat dried persimmons, but Yuzu was explaining to her big brother how they were the only type of fruit that they had. Listening to the family talk a little more, Ichigo stated that he would go to the store to buy some more fruits and vegetables. Karin complained about him being suspicious for wanting to do the shopping, but it was ignored as Ichigo returned to the bedroom. Turquoise hues watched the carrot top walk over to grab his cell phone and a watch before being looked at by a pair of soft chocolate brown hues.

"I'm sorry that I have to ask, but will you please come with me to the store in case my father wants to give you grief." Even though he asked, it was more of having no choice due to his restrictions right now.  
>"Yes, I will go." Having sensed the man of the house listening in on the conversation, he had to make nice with his caretaker. His head turned away as Ichigo pulled his shirt off—only to turn to look back.<br>"Dinner will be in about six hours. We can get you some clothes first and get groceries later." He tossed the shirt in a laundry basket in his closet under the shelf before getting a new shirt out of the dresser.  
>"Whatever you want to do, I have no say in it, remember?" The words were not thought through since he was distracted by the fresh cuts and bruises on the Strawberry's body, and the scars… "Kurosaki…"<p>

Having heard his name being called, Ichigo turned to look at the captain with a curious look while still unfolding his clean shirt to place on. "Yes?" It was then that he noticed how Toushirou was observing the wounds he had—now staring at the faint circular scar on his chest. "Oh… sorry," he placed his shirt on so that he would not have to see the disgusting markings that he bore from the incident awhile back.

"When did you get those wounds?"  
>"We should go if we want to make time."<p>

Toushirou watched him open the door and wait for him, giving him enough time to realize that for a brief moment, Ichigo showed an expression on his face. By the time he was able to register this fact, he looked at the carrot top to see that he was unreadable once again. He grabbed his cell phone and went through the doorway first as Ichigo had motioned him to do so he could close the door behind them. It was odd to say in the least. Ichigo was being a gentleman, whereas at the same time, he was not so much as a person at all—more like a robot of some sort.

Not even halfway down the stairs did Toushirou start to ask. "What did I do has everyone hate me?"  
>"Please do not ask about anything that relates to the incident that you have no memory of. <em>Please<em>."  
>What was worse… this man begging him to stop, or the fact that he was being quiet? "I apologize—"<br>Ichigo suddenly stopped near the end of the stairs, looking up at the captain who followed him. "Don't."  
>"Well it's obvious that I did something that caused this change in you, right!" He saw him flinch at this.<br>"From here on, you are not allowed to mention the incident two months ago. Do you understand?"

The captain's jaw mentally dropped as he heard those words.

Ichigo took the stunned silence as a good time turn head for the exit of the house to go to one of those clothing stores for a spare attire for the captain to wear. However, luck was against him as his eyes rolled at the sight of a tattooed man with long red hair and a scowl across his face. With Renji in front of him and Toushirou behind him, he gently pressed a hand against Renji's chest so he would back up for them to leave the house. There was an intense glare between the captain and the lieutenant while the Strawberry closed the door to the house before having to stand between them as they all walked off.

"What is it Renji?" Ichigo asked quietly. "He's abiding by the rules."

"I don't care about him, I'm checking on you. Also, Soutaichou says that you don't have to help with the rebuilding while dealing with Hitsugaya-Taichou." He growled unhappily, "now that the plan finally went in motion, I can't believe I agreed to what Hinamori suggested. I should have voted for him to go to—"

"You and the others don't know the full story, Renji." Ichigo was tired of the subject.  
>"Then what aren't you telling me?" He tried to think about it. "I know that when you—"<br>"No, what I said in public does not entirely revolve around the issues before that."  
>"Yeah… he was hotheaded before his appearance." His arms crossed. "What happened?"<br>"I'm sorry, but I can't answer that." The Strawberry looked at him. "Please don't try, either."  
>This gave the lieutenant a small clue, so he glanced at the captain. "That must mean it's a—"<p>

Toushirou's phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket, read the Caller ID to see that it was Momo, and he wanted to talk to her so badly. However, orders were orders, and gave the phone to Ichigo like a good boy so his title would not be stripped from him. Ichigo opened his hand out to receive the device before flipping it open and putting on the speaker so Toushirou could communicate with her.

"Hinamori, you're on speaker so that Toushirou can communicate with you. Renji and I will be able to hear the conversation, are you okay with that?" Once again, he sounded professional. It was sad to hear.  
>"Of course Kurosaki-kun!" She chirped. "I was calling for you anyway since I don't have your number." A giggle was heard through the phone. "Although I'm upset with Shirou-chan, I'm glad you're giving—"<br>"Don't start that," he quickly removed her from the speaker and placed the phone to his ear. "Listen, I've had enough of this. I need you to go to Rangiku-san to have her go to Yama-Jii for another favor."  
>Renji smirked, "you're going to have them ban passage because you're tired of hearing about the—" As soon as Ichigo looked at him, he became quiet. "I'm staying in this world then. My mission is watching."<p>

"If you're trying to rile me up, then don't bother." He began walking away. "We're leaving."

"There's no point in trying to rile you up because Hitsugaya-Taichou broke your spirit when he spat in your face and humiliated you in front of everyone." The lieutenant knew that he was close to making Ichigo snap, he just needed to push the right buttons. There was no way the captain would interfere because he wanted to know about what happened. "You wanted to drop the subject that you were fighting about something before you turned into a Hollow—before he hit below the belt. I know that it's something to do with protecting him, or something that he thinks is important or worth protecting—"

Ichigo stopped in place. "Renji." It was still a bored tone in his voice. "If you continue to press me, I will force you to return to Soul Society. You alone, know that I protect with me life, this situation is not any different." Although he sounded uncaring, he was dead serious. "I'll have Hinamori replace you here."

"You wouldn't." His smirked. "She wants nothing to do with Hitsugaya-Taichou. That will only hurt him, and I know that's the last thing you want to do—especially after what happened two months ago."  
>"The only reason why everyone is scolding him is because everyone believes that they owe me for taking care of Aizen. I don't mind the respect, but I don't enjoy the thought of dealing with debts from them."<br>"Yet you used it to save his life." His head shook softly before lightly grabbing the Strawberry's shoulders in a friendly manner. "I'm still here if you decided to give up. Forget what he said, you're not weak."  
>"Thank you," Ichigo whispered—almost letting his guard down for him. "I just need to figure out when I should start over and come clean with everything again. It was my fault that everything happened."<br>"Well, are you going to tell me the story?" Ichigo stared at him, and Renji stopped joking. "You do what you think is right. We can always erase his memory again if it is too much to handle, right? See ya later."

Renji left finally, and Toushirou approached Ichigo. "I don't like being talked about in front of my face."  
>"You're right, I'm sorry." His apology was sincere, but sad. "We're near the store, choose whatever."<br>"Kurosaki—" The carrot top walked into the clothing store, leading him to follow quietly. "You're not…"  
>Ichigo looked at him quietly, wondering what he mumbled to himself. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"<br>"I said you're not weak." He turned away defiantly. "If I said you were, then I don't know why I did."  
>"It was—" his tongue was bit to keep quiet, but decided to give him an answer. "It was out of fear."<p>

"What?" Toushirou watched as he entered the store to sit on a bench by the fitting rooms.

It was obvious that Ichigo was not going to explain anything to him. Looking around, he browsed through the clothes that were shelved and hung on the racks. There were many shirts that looked nice enough to make him look mature and not a child. He started to notice that there was nothing childish in the store—there was something familiar about it, too. The more he looked around, the more it started to jog a little bit of his memory to tell him that he had been there before. His attention went to Ichigo whose eyes stayed glued to the ground. Now it was obvious that he was here before with him, so he looked around and saw a familiar shirt, and long sleeves behind it. Something made him want to try it on, but he felt Ichigo pat a pair of folded pants on his shoulder. When he glanced over his shoulder to take the pants, there was nothing there—Ichigo was still seated on the bench. Gazing farther away, he saw the pair of pants that matched the outfit, so he grabbed them before looking at the carrot top who now seemed visibly troubled. Was there a chance that he was beginning to remember what happened?

"Kurosaki, have I been here before?" The other nodded. "Why would I forget something like this?"  
>"Please search for any clothes you would like, and try them on." Ichigo tried hard to fight back on this.<br>With a soft nod, the captain walked to the fitting room. "Maybe I was here that day or something."

"I can't believe you brought him here." He heard his lieutenant's voice.  
>"Not you too, how many of you are here?" Ichigo tried to stay calm.<br>"You're being too nice for someone who claims to hate you, Ichigo."  
>He tried asking again. "I'll ask again, how many of you are here?"<br>"Just Renji and me. I left after giving the message to Soutaichou."  
>"You shouldn't be here, please leave before things get out of hand."<p>

"Ichigo, Taichou might not care about you or your feelings, but I do. What he said was hurtful and cruel." She squatted down and held his hands. "If he hurts you again, I don't want to see that pained look on your face again." There was silence, Toushirou tried to listen in. "I know that's why your hiding yourself."

"He hurt me because I hurt him first." Ichigo whispered. "You need to leave, now. He remembers being here." The captain heard rustling, and assumed he stood up. "He's still your superior, Rangiku-san."  
>"You don't even know what he's done to you, do you. Ichigo, you haven't said his name <em>once<em> since that day. You haven't smiled, you haven't laughed, you haven't felt _anything_, and that hurts us all Ichigo—"  
>"I asked you to leave." His tone was slightly elevated and firm. "I don't want to ask you again. No one owes me anything, not you, not Renji, not Yama-Jii, and certain not… him." He could not say his name.<br>Toushirou chose now to walk out of the fitting room in the new outfit. "Matsumoto, I understand that I had a fight with Kurosaki. But until I know what I did, or what happened, I can't atone for my actions."  
>She looked at him, then to Ichigo, "he really scarred you." With a gently peck, she kissed his cheek before pulling away. "I hope you get what you want, but try a different approach than last time."<p>

"…ah."

* * *

><p>"Let's see, which is best." Ichigo picked up a watermelon and knocked on it. "Hmm…" His attention went to the staring captain. "How about you determine which ones are good to eat. I'm not an expert at this."<br>Confused by this, the little man came over and picked one up, felt its shape, glared at the coloring being slightly off. "Not ripe." He picked up the next in the pile, checking it. "Why are we getting watermelon?"  
>"Because you don't like dried persimmons," he answered thoughtlessly as he was knocking at mango to see if it was good or not. "I can get three of these if I get five melons… but then carrying it back… hmm."<br>At first, he wondered why he knew that he did not like the dried fruit, but it was obvious that he knew he loved watermelon. "I'll carry the mango if you carry the watermelon. Or I'll carry the watermelon."  
>"It's fine, I don't need mango. We only came for the watermelon." His attention went to him. "Have you picked out the good ones?" Toushirou nodded. "Go ahead and put them in the basket. " He did as told.<p>

Ichigo began to walk away after collecting the fruit. "Kurosaki," he turned to look. "I don't hate you."  
>"You will." Brown hues glanced to the flooring. "After dinner, I will tell you what riled you up before."<br>Something caught his attention, "if what you said to me caused havoc to Seireitei, why tell me now?"  
>"Because I've been keeping this secret from you for two years, and it's not why I turned into a Hollow."<br>"It's surprising to think you can keep a secret." He mused. "You've known me for almost three years."  
>"The secret is not mine to tell. I was shown, and told about…" His head shook. "Let's go, we're late."<p>

Toushirou watched him begin to walk away. "…you're not going to address me by anything, are you."  
>"You were the one who told me that, if I could not address you properly, to not address you at all."<br>"But I don't remember." He received a look of 'but I do,' so he sighed. "You can address me, Kurosaki."  
>"What would you like to be addressed as then?" The captain glanced at him with a dumbfounded look.<br>Being asked the question took him by surprise. "Hitsugaya-Taichou, of course." However, would he?"  
>Ichigo bowed his head softly, "the family is waiting for us. We should get going, Hitsugaya-Taichou."<p>

The feeling was cold and lonely. Although he finally received the titling that he so desired by this young man, it was not as he had imagined it. It was not _how_ he had imagined it. Once they went in line, paid for the fruit, and walked out of the store side by side. Toushirou was looking at the situation differently; noticing that Ichigo was the only person treating him kindly without glares or looks of disgust. Why would he say that he hated the man, or consider him weak for that matter. As they were on the last block on the way home, a group of twenty men surrounded them, all of them grinning.

"Looks like we get to finally pay you back, Kurosaki." The gang leader stated cockily before looking over that the Strawberry's side. "Hah, well look at that, Kurosaki Ichigo has a little boyfriend." He snapped his fingers to have them attempt to grab him. "We can take him and have a little fun with him, right boys?"

Ichigo sighed. "You should not have said that." He cracked his neck as he offered the groceries bags to the captain. "Hold these for the moment, please. I have to take care of business right now." After the bags were taken away, he beat the crap out of any who got near Toushirou. One almost got close until he punched him in the face. "Never a challenge." Just as he was beaten up the last of the group, the leader was just about to put a hand on the little men's shoulder, and Ichigo pulled out a gun to point at the man's face. "You lay a finger on him, and it will be the last thing that you will ever do. Now get lost."

"Tch… let's go." The leader called out, not trusting the stoic faced carrot top.

They fled the scene instantly, so he placed the fake gun back in his pocket before turning to Toushirou to see that he had an emotionless face that he tried to keep strong. Ichigo looked away for a moment before turning to him again, offering his hand to collect the bags of watermelon. Snapping out of a trance, the captain returned the bags to him, and they headed home where they made it time to have dinner. Ichigo allowed Toushirou to eat in the bedroom while he ate with the family so there would be peace amongst the household. No one questioned this, either. Once grabbing Toushirou's plates and taking them downstairs to wash, he returned to the room to see the captain still sitting on the chair.

"Would you like my bed or futon tonight?" Although Ichigo wanted to keep his own bed for his recent back pains. "My bedding has been changed, and the bedding for the futon just finished drying earlier."  
>"I have no complaints taking the futon. Right now, I'm more curious as to know what it is that you said you would tell me." He had been edgy for a good hour or two after hearing about a 'secret' from him."<br>With a small nod, the teen locked the door and sat on the bed. "It will be hard for me to tell you this time because of what happened before." He paused. "I can't risk you running away in a panic this time."  
>"Are you implying that I <em>ran away<em> when you told me this?" Ichigo answered with a hesitant nod. "Does anyone else know about this secret?" Turquoise hues watched him debate on the answer to give him.  
>"I suppose the ones involved know the secret. However, I just don't know where to start—if you leave the house tonight, you can get in trouble." Ichigo explained. "You were so angry and so terrified that—"<p>

"Does this involve Hinamori?" The Strawberry shook his head at this. "Then what can 'terrify' me?"

"T—Hitsugaya-Taichou." In the very least, he wanted to respect him as he told him this information. "I know…" his voice died down. He had to start over in a different why. "Do you know—do you understand that what I do is protect my family and friend, you included?" Toushirou nodded once to encourage him to speak. "My methods of protection is normally through fists, but in this case, it was keeping my mouth shut. The secret that I carry isn't my own, but yours." The captain looked amused at his words, as if to claim that he was lying. "I found out about it in segments, one by accident, and the other… I don't know how to explain except that the person told me." Ichigo's brows knitted tightly together.

Toushirou could see past the façade to see that he was having a tough time with this. "Well?"

"I know about Kusaka," the captain raised a brow. "I know about Aizen, too." This time, Toushirou had begun to realize what he was getting at. "…I know that—" they were receiving a message on the screen that was placed against his wall. It was Momo bidding them goodnight. "Goodnight Hinamori." Momo looked to Toushirou who did not look at her. "Hitsugaya-Taichou," said captain slowly looked at him. "Hinamori is saying goodnight to both of us." Toushirou looked at the screen to see the sad girl.

"…goodnight Hinamori."

The screen went blank, and Ichigo looked to Toushirou. "You know what I was going to say, right?"  
>"I know what you know." His fists tightened before shaking violently. "You've known for two years?"<br>"Sort of. Hyourinmaru showed me while I was fighting him, and then Aizen told me when we fought—"  
>"Showed you?" Immediately he was on his feet. "What did you see you bastard!" Ichigo looked away.<br>"I saw enough." He could not look him in the eye. "It was against my will. I had no control over it."  
>"But you could have told me as soon as you found out. That would've been the right thing to do!"<p>

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I don't know, I was still trying to register the information that I hoped was a lie. You dealt with Kusaka, so I tried to deal with Aizen for you, but he's immortal. I hate betrayal, just like you." Toushirou stood up to turn and leave the bedroom. "I know that I betrayed you, Hitsu—"

"Stop calling me that." He tensed. "I need a moment to think."

"You're not allowed to leave at night, it was one of the rules that Yama-Jii added at last minute." Ichigo stood up and walked past him to the closet. "I'll sleep downstairs to give you space." He grabbed a blanket from the shelf and one pillow before opening the door to leave. "Goodnight…"

Toushirou opened his mouth to stop him, but nothing came out of his mouth. He closed the door before coming over and sitting on Ichigo's bed to think about things a little more thoroughly. Nothing was going to help after he drove his host out of his own bedroom. The captain took in a deep breath before lying down on the bed without thinking about the scent that lingered in the air. His eyes closed for a moment, but there was no chance that he could sleep, so he ended up tossing and turning throughout the night.

This really sucked…


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 02**

**Damaged**

**Now—**

"So you two haven't spoken for two weeks, huh?" Renji casually walked next to the Strawberry as they headed to the Kurosaki Clinic. "Whatever you told Hitsugaya-Taichou must have made a mess of things."

The carrot top sighed as he stopped in front of the house, unaware that his bedroom window was just slightly cracked open. He was unaware that Toushirou was in the bedroom reading a book as he had been for two weeks until hearing them talking outside. It was a routine in a way; Toushirou on the bed reading while the two walk together from the high school hand-in-hand like a couple would after a date.

"I don't mind the silence. What matters is that I give him space and time, he needs to know that he can trust me." Ichigo placed his other hand in his pocket. "To him, I betrayed him in the worst ways, Renji."  
>"What makes him think you betrayed him?" This earned him a glare. "You're dead set on protecting him, aren't you?" His gaze turned away. "If it's that important to you, then I'll stop asking about that night."<br>"Thank you." In the far distance, the captain could see the weakest smile gracing Ichigo's lips. "Look, I know that I'm supposed to become his friend again, but to be honest, I don't think he wants that now."  
>"Good, because you're too good for him anyway." Ichigo, once again, gave him a scowl. "I'm sorry Ichigo, but as soon as he said all those terrible things... it makes me furious to know that he stabbed you in t—"<br>"The wound is healing," a hand went over his heart. "Although I have terrible breathing problems at night. I'm just lucky that Unohana-san was there, otherwise, Toushirou would've killed me."

"On purpose or by accident, still remains a mystery." He grumbled.

"Renji, stop. The least I can do for him, is protect him and let him know that I will be there when he needs me," Ichigo rustled his hair due to being slightly taller than him now. "I have homework to do."

"…and I'm captain watching." His head motioned to the window, and Ichigo looked. "Night."

Toushirou and Ichigo looked eye-to-eye. "Night."

Ichigo walked over to the house as Renji left for Urahara Kisuke's shop. Dealing with the normal routine, he put his shoes to the side, said hello to his little sisters, went to the kitchen to get food for the hungry captain—along with a drink, and head upstairs to give it to him. When he entered, he saw the little man sitting on the bed where he was when he was caught staring at the two—listening in on them. The tray was set down on the computer desk while his briefcase was settled on the chair so he could walk over and dress into some lighter clothes. His shirt was unbuttoned and placed on the dresser before grabbing a new shirt while hearing the bed creak at Toushirou's movements.

With the window being cracked open, it was obvious that he heard everything, so he turned to look at the captain whom now stood on the floor in front of the bed, and now in front of him. Turquoise searched the scratched up body… wondering which wound was the one that he caused—which wound could have killed him. A large callused hand was offered to the little captain as guidance to the marking that he had placed one him months ago. Through uncertainty and caution, Toushirou placed his hand in his so he could be led to where he harmed the Strawberry. His hand was taken to the long, thin strip of a gash that took place in front of his heart before being released to explore by himself.

The faintest graze caused Ichigo to fight back from wincing.

"Kurosaki… I—"

"No apologies," Ichigo whispered. "It was an accident, but I deserved your blade through my heart."  
>Brows furrowed at the tone of voice he had. "How can stabbing you be an accident? I don't make ac—"<br>"Just as you were about to slay me, I stopped my Hollow side from killing you. You would've beheaded me, had you not straightened your blade towards my chest." He whispered again. "You were willing—"  
>"I wouldn't kill you if I had a choice, even if it's because of my past problems, I would never…"<br>"Your history has never deterred my loyalty to you as a friend." The man put the shirt on. "Please eat."

As the carrot top finished dressing and grabbed his suitcase to do his homework downstairs, Toushirou had to say something to stop him from leaving the room. "There's no connection." The Strawberry came to a halt at the door. "If the others don't know about that… why is everyone scolding me? Why is—"  
>"I said no questions about that night, remember?" His words harmed the captain's courage to continue speaking after everyone had been scolding him. Ichigo gave in. "I did not give you time to process the information before I went to the next topic that infuriated you. That's when you verbally lashed out."<br>"From what I understand… I called you weak—which is not possible since you're the strongest man I know, other than Soutaichou. I said that I hated you, which is not entirely true because you only get on my nerves when you lack respect—such as right now because you're not addressing me as anything."

"You don't want me to call you by name, or by title. What do you want me to call you?"  
>Toushirou started to tell him to call him 'Hitsugaya-Taichou,' but stopped himself. "Whatever you want."<br>"Is that what you truly want?" The man asked gently. "Wouldn't calling you 'Toushirou' lack respect?"  
>"So I've gotten used to your disrespect. Now tell me what else I've said to you, Kurosaki."<br>"Nothing that's worth mentioning, to be honest." His tone returned to being dull as he turned.  
>"You're lying." Arms crossed with a firm scowl. "You wouldn't be running away if it wasn't hurtful."<p>

"It's not a lie. To me, it's not worth mentioning."

"You called him worthless." The two turned to look at Renji squatting in the windowsill that he had opened up. "It was one thing that pissed all of us off. You called Ichigo, _Worthless_." As the redhead stepped into the bedroom, he looked at Ichigo. "He needs to know how much of a bastard he was."

"Even so, I can't continuously tell him everything without explaining his further aggression towards me."

It was by now that Renji finally understood things, and smiled softly. "I see, you have no intentions…"  
>"Renji, don't be like t—" The redhead fled the scene and Ichigo scratched his head. "I'm sorry Renji…"<br>Toushirou looked at him. "Was he telling the truth?" Could he have called this man worthless?  
>"Yeah… I have no intention of telling you what happened to set you off further." Ichigo answered. "I—"<p>

"No! Not that! Did I honestly claim that you were worthless!" Ichigo's mouth closed to remain silent. "It doesn't make sense, why would I say that? That isn't me—even if I were furious with you, I wouldn't—"

"I've said it before, right? You weren't only mad, but you were scared, too."

* * *

><p>Toushirou stayed awake for a long time… waiting for the Strawberry to fall asleep. It was two in the morning, giving him enough time to believe that the other would be asleep downstairs. Even though he told Ichigo that he was fine sleeping in the same room with him, Ichigo still wanted to give him space and decent sleep. He left the comfortable bed that belonged to his host, and quietly left the room to walk downstairs. All he had to do was open the door to hear the irregular ragged breaths from the family room downstairs where Ichigo was sleeping.<p>

As the room became visible to his sight, he saw Ichigo's father attempting to heal him with kidou, but it was not working judging by the look on his face. "He doesn't want to be healed—well, subconsciously at least." Isshin stood up slowly as he still stared at the heavy breather. "Ichigo's conflicted deep down and trying his best to put on a brave face. But he'll most likely die within a few months if he can't heal." It took a moment, but his attention turned to the little captain. "Soutaichou had you restricted for a good purpose," hands went into pant pockets. "Do you know why you're to be as useless as a mere human?"

Toushirou looked at the Strawberry who sounded as if he was choking, "yes." He whispered quietly. The captain figured it out a week ago when he was almost attacked. "I am to rely on him for everything."

"You broke him," the man turned to leave, "you fix him." He started to walk to the stairway—  
>"How do I fix what I don't know?" Toushirou only stared at Ichigo. "How can I keep him alive?"<br>"Ichigo needs to know how you truly feel about him. Is he your friend, is he your enemy, is he nothing?"  
>He smirked at this, "Kurosaki Ichigo is not <em>nothing<em>, that's for sure." Ichigo began grasping for his heart.

"All I can say is that he doesn't want to be healed, so his body slowed it's process to recover. Not only did you put him in a life threatening position, it's the fact that you _did_." The little captain turned to look at him. "The split second where he reverts from his Hollow form is his weakest—where his Hollow can't protect him from vital attacks." A hand rose up, scratching the top of his head. "Give him a reason to heal. Give him a reason to stay alive." Isshin did not look at him. "Ichigo really admired you in his own way, but you attacked him—verbally... and physically. He feels useless and unneeded. Goodnight." With that, he left.

"Tou—" Ichigo gritted in pain through a nightmare. His breaths were unstable and horrid sounding.

The captain debated on what to do for the young man. Should he wake him up, should he pretend he saw nothing by going back to the bedroom to sleep? Should he try to care for him because he knew that Ichigo would do so if their positions were switched at a time like this. With his mind settled on an answer, he left to explore the doors until finding the closet obtaining towels and washcloths. Grabbing a small white cloth, he went to the kitchen to dampen it with cool water before returning to place it on the Strawberry's head. Ichigo instantly jumped into a sitting position at the suddenly cool touch to his head, and grimaced at the pain to his chest from the sudden panic when awoken.

"Kurosaki, settle down, it's me." Brown hues glanced at him, his breath exhaling with a terrible wheeze. "I thought cooling you off with a washcloth would calm you down, I'm sorry." Ichigo began to catch his breath slowly, but hid the fact that it hurt like Hell. "Perhaps if you healed yourself, you'd be better."

"…ah…"

Toushirou looked at him a little sadly. "Then why won't you heal yourself?"  
>"I don't know, I just can't." The carrot top set his hand down; away from his heart.<br>"Can't, or won't?" Could it really be subconscious? "I want you to get better."  
>"Unohana-san tried already, I don't know anyone else who can heal me." He rose—<p>

Quickly, the little captain interfered so he would not stand up on his two feet. "Let me heal you." As the other opened his mouth to retort, he added. "Let Inoue Orihime repair you—your lungs and heart, I mean." Ichigo stared at him, confused about his worrying. "I could hear you from upstairs, Kurosaki."

Once brown hues turned away, Toushirou knew that he was looking at a clock that said it was nearing three in the morning. "I have classes in a few hours, how am I supposed to go back to sleep now?"  
>He shook his head at the carrot top's little concern for his health. "You could die from that wound if not treated." Ichigo turned to look at him; his eyes showing that he understood. "…but you don't care."<br>"I told you that I deserved this wound, it was the only way that I could live with myself after telling you that I knew about what happened." His breathing began to worsen. "Things are different than last time."  
>"Exactly, things are different. I don't remember last time, but I remember this time, and I don't want you to carry on with a threatening injury." Toushirou's fists tightened. "To have that on my conscious…"<br>"Perhaps I should not have told you about the wound." He slowly lied back down on the couch. "Sorry, but I'm starting to feel drowsy. You should go back to bed, too. A Taichou needs his rest to grow strong."

It struck a nerve to hear it in that manner, but he had to agree. "Hn." Toushirou left his side and walked upstairs. Just when Ichigo was starting to stare at the ceiling, he heard the captain returning to the room with the futon material. "Perhaps you don't like it, but I _am_ responsible for your wound, Kurosaki."

"You're not allowed to use kidou, T—" He bit his tongue. "There's nothing you can do."  
>"There's always something. I may be powerless, but there's one thing that you always did for me."<br>Ichigo stared at him with the confusion written on his face. "I… don't… understand… what do I—"  
>"You never give up, and you stay by my side." The captain set the futon next to the couch. "So I will too."<br>It was most likely the first time that he had been taken by surprise like this. "I…" he smiled. "Thank you."

"Toushirou."  
>"What?"<p>

Said captain rolled his eyes at the Strawberry's confusion. "You can go back to calling me by my name—at least until I'm off restrictions and back in Soul Society. After all, I'm discharged and under your orders. It's not like I can do anything about it, either." Toushirou tried to put up a front as if he hated the idea.

Ichigo half smiled before returning to his frown to go back to sleep. "Goodnight, Toushirou." It turned out that the little captain was already out like a light; exhausted from staying up too late. "Such a kid…"

* * *

><p>Morning came too fast for pleasure as he tried to sleep in for another hour or two. The room was getting brighter and brighter as his eyes shut tighter and tighter to block out the light as he nuzzled into the pillows on Ichigo's bed. He took in a deep breath before exhaling and cut short as he tensed when recalling that he was downstairs to sleep on the futon.<p>

"You're okay," Ichigo called from the distance, coming closer. "I brought you up here a few minutes ago to sleep in." Turquoise hues revealed themselves through tired eyelids. In seconds, the curtains were shifted in front of the window to make it a little darker in the room. "Would you like anything to eat?"

Toushirou shook his head as his eyes closed to drift back into a peaceful slumber. With a soft expression of contentment, the Strawberry turned to get dressed for school—only to grimace when taking his shirt off. This stirred the captain enough to register Ichigo's pain, so he sat up to see the young man in pain as he tossed the shirt towards the closet. He watched as the carrot top grabbed the button up shirt to place on slowly, and obviously in pain as he placed it on.

"It can't be helped." He sat up on the bed, rubbing his eyes. "Get over here Kurosaki, I'll help."  
>"No thank you." Ichigo finished buttoning up his shirt and changed his pants. "I have it under control."<br>It was obvious that he wanted to prove that he was not weak. "You taught me that it was okay to ask."  
>The Strawberry froze for a moment, "you don't need to help me. I'll survive this minor problem."<p>

"Kurosaki, it's—" Something clicked in his mind. "Are you saying that for you sake, or for mine?" His tone became deadly serious. "Do you believe I would offer my assistance if I was worried you would dare—"  
>"No," Ichigo interrupted quietly. "I wasn't thinking about that. It just that, there are things that I need to do myself." He buttoned his pants and zipped them up. "If I can't change my own clothes, then I—"<br>"Have me to help you." The captain grabbed the blazer before the other could. "It's true that you might feel useless because you can't do things yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't ask for help, right?"  
>"Did you ever ask for help, for anything?" Turquoise hues became distant. "You've been there to help others, such as your squad. But have you asked for help in return?" There was silence for a while.<p>

"I've never asked for help, but," Toushirou hesitated; wondering if he should open up in this manner. "If I ever need to ask for it, I know who to go to." He opened the blazer for him. "Just accept my offer before I change my mind Kurosaki." With a light sigh, Ichigo came over and was helped into his blazer.

"May I ask a question?" Ichigo turned to him as he started to button it up, but the captain beat him to it.  
>"I see no reason why not." Just as he was about to finish buttoning him up, his wrists were lightly held.<br>Their eyes met so that Toushirou would understand what he was getting at, "you don't have to answer."  
>He caught on and removed his hands. "…is it about Aizen?" Ichigo shook his head. "About Kusaka then?"<p>

"I know both of their views, and I know your view towards Aizen, but not towards Kusaka." Brown hues watched the distant gaze from the other male as he was recalling it. "I'm sorry, I won't ask anything e—"  
>"Just like now, I'm a child. My body is not… <em>was not<em> ready for any intimacy, I worried for my safety…" As soon as he said this, things began triggering something in his mind. "Kurosaki… I called you what they—"  
>"I know," the Strawberry interrupted quietly. "That is why I did not take it entirely to heart, even though it still hurt coming from you." He finished buttoning the blazer to leave. "Get some rest Toushirou."<br>A moment ago, he was about to volunteer going to school with him. "Ah…" Now his mind was flustered and worried about other things. "Can we contact Soul Society when you return from your classes, too?"  
>"I don't mind," he replied quietly. "Would you like it if I locked the door?" The captain nodded, so Ichigo did as he offered. "Listen, if my question bothered in anyway… I apologize for being inconsiderate."<p>

"You asked if you could, and I said yes." His eyes rolled to fake his worry. "I'm going back to bed."

Ichigo knew that he tried to keep strong—Toushirou had been trying to act strong in front of him ever since the captain learned that he knew about his darkest secrets. Sighing once again for the umpteenth time, he quietly closed the door and changed out of his uniform as silently as possible. It was a success, leaving him in a white tank top and boxers, and then buried himself in the futon at the side of the bed before grunting at the cold covers on top of him. Seconds later, Toushirou sat up to look around; staring in amazement to see that the Strawberry was going to play hooky from school today.

He spoke in a quiet voice, "…I don't understand."

"You're a guest, and you're upset." With good reasons, though. "I'm not going to leave you alone to think about negative things. Besides," he paused, having the captain bait on his every word. "It was my stupid question that made you uncomfortable." It then dawned on him that Toushirou might _need_ to be alone. "Unless you want me to leave, I'll go downstairs to give you space. Whatever makes you feel—"

"Shut up and sleep." The captain snorted as he leaned back into the bed. "I trust you, Kurosaki."

At least someone trusted him…

The hours passed all the way until noon despite Ichigo's hard breathing; it sounded as if he were being crushed by a bus and not able to free himself. Toushirou only slept an extra hour or two as opposed to Ichigo's four extra hours of pain and suffering slumber. It was painful to listen to majority of the time, which made him feel all the guiltier about stabbing him through the chest. He was hoping to run errands today by going to his lieutenant to ask her to get the bubbly woman to heal him since Ichigo did not go to school. However, he did not know if there was a rule about him leaving the house without Ichigo's consent—there were so many rules that it was hard to keep up with most details.

"…Kurosaki?" He did not want to wake him up.  
>"Hmm…" it was obvious that he was more than half-asleep.<br>Although it was still a response to him. "Can I see Matsumoto?"  
>Words were not acknowledged properly. "Mhmm…"<p>

Seeing Ichigo out cold again, Toushirou decided that it would be best to leave a note behind for him in case he tried to figure things out later on and forgot about it. With a quick note written and placed on the floor next to the Strawberry, the captain left to find the busty women. One was at school, the other at the mall… go figure. Not bothering to debate on going to the mall, he headed in and searched for her reiatsu—only to see her squealing at some clothes she was trying on. Even though the woman—like everyone else in Soul Society—hated him, she would hear him out if it were for Ichigo's sake.

She glanced at him and turned to change in the fitting room.

"I need a favor." The captain mentally cringed at how odd it sounded.  
>Her attention turned to him in surprise for the shocking words, "what?"<br>"When the girl comes back from school, have her go to Kurosaki's house."  
>"Why would I do that?" She scoffed before looking in the mirror. "We have—"<p>

"Kurosaki will die unless he is healed, or in this case, repaired with her unique ability. I overheard him talking with Abarai the other day about me stabbing him. One of his lungs and heart were pierced by my blade, and he's had terrible breathing and an irregular heartbeat." Although the last note made her a little suspicious because it sounded as if he placed his head against Ichigo's chest, he continued. "I know that he has been rejecting everyone's help and has not been healing himself because of mental conflict, but I persuaded him to reconsider. The only problem is, I'm not allowed to use any Shinigami abilities."

"If you're not allowed to use your abilities, how did you find me?"

Crap, he completely forgot about that. He was only supposed to find Ichigo through detection, "I—"  
>"He tracked you down with his phone." A voice called from behind. "All Shinigami are tracked by it, too."<br>They turned to look at him, "…Kurosaki." There was no doubt in his mind that Ichigo overhead him.

"I woke up when your reiatsu strayed too far and worried about your safety. It's not safe for you to roam around this time of day." Ichigo lightly warned before bringing his attention to the lieutenant. "What are you doing here? Shopping for clothes you can't wear in Soul Society… I hope you're not taking money—"  
>"No, me? Of course not! I'm just… looking around and flaunting in cute things! I wasn't going to buy any of these clothes." She came over and hugged him happily. "Taichou said you're considering being healed finally, is that true?" Ichigo nodded once. "Good, maybe I can heal you! I'm good at it when it's about—"<br>"Lying?" The Strawberry interrupted as his hands roamed her body, feeling a wallet in her back pocket. "I think I found something that doesn't belong to you." He pulled it out and opened it to see Orihime's information, and credit card. "Now what are you doing with this wallet? Hmm?" Brown hues glared.

"Um… I can explain… you see, she forced me to—"

"Lying even more is going to get me in a bad mood, Rangiku-san." He removed himself from her and placed the wallet in his pocket. "Your work is now doubled. I'll make a call for you to return tonight."  
>"What! No! Please don't! I'm sorry that I lied, I just didn't want to get in trouble with you!" The woman clung to his shirt. "Why are you always so mean when you don't have sex every other week with a guy!"<br>This time a vein visibly appeared at the comment. "Man or woman, I have no preference." His attention became serious. "And what do you mean that, I became _mean_ if I don't have sex, huh?" He eyed at her.  
>"It's true. One day you were so cranky, then we slept together, and you were as good as new!" An idea came to her head as she knew Ichigo well. "You know, since Taichou <em>is<em> your roommate, maybe you c—"  
>"If you value your life, you won't finish that sentence." His boring, unchanging tone became threatening and hostile. "Come along Toushirou, we need to be home before school is out." He turned to leave.<p>

Toushirou was frozen in thought from what his lieutenant said; Ichigo would not force him, would he?

The Strawberry came over in front of him, blocking his form from Rangiku's sight. "Toushirou," the captain jumped and looked up at him. "You must be hungry, let's go." He mouthed the words to him, _I will not touch you_. Toushirou nodded to him in hopes of trusting him. "Why is she trying to irritate me."

"Could it be, because they want to see an expression on your face?" It was something that he wanted to see, too. Any type of expression from him would be something. "You haven't been yourself recently."  
>Ichigo did not particularly hear him, or himself for that matter. "That's what happens when someone rips your heart out." His attention was drawn a couple that were holding hands. He sighed, "oh well."<br>"Did someone reject you, Kurosaki?" The captain watched him bristle sorely. "Who was it?" Turquoise watched to see if he would give an answer, but nothing came to him. "…are you telling me that you—"  
>"We got into a fight," Renji called from behind them. "I was upset about us breaking up and wanted to stay with him, but Ichigo wanted to move on." They looked at him. "Except I didn't want that at all."<p>

"…Renji…" Ichigo was almost at a loss for words. "What are you doing?"

The redhead wanted to protect Ichigo's feeling a little longer. Although it was true that they broke up the morning Toushirou and Ichigo got into an argument and destroyed half of Seireitei, the captain did not need to know the truth yet. Since it was obvious that Ichigo did not plan to confess any time soon, Renji was more than happy to be the person to blame. To do anything to protect Kurosaki Ichigo from being rejected by the cold hearted Hitsugaya Toushirou, Captain of the Tenth Squad…

Again.

* * *

><p>Sometime within the week, I will be DUMPING a LOT of Bleach stories onto the site, but only the first chapters. All of them are Ichigo x Toushirou. If you want to know when they are going to be posted, place my under your Author Alert! There are 15 stories that will be posted sooner rather than later.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 03**

**Damaged**

**Now—**

"Really, I think you're doing this more for yourself than you are for me." Ichigo stated calmly as they walked towards the Kurosaki Residence, hand in hand. "I know you saved me from telling him about it."

"Maybe I _did_ do it for myself, but we were good together. It's not my fault that you fell for Hitsugaya-Taichou." The redhead looked at him. "What would have happened if you told him that you confessed?"  
>"I know, I know. He's barely getting over the mind-blowing information that I gave him last month." He gave a vexed sigh as they stopped in front of the house. "I have to wait until I have a good bond w—"<br>"Do you honestly think you'll have a good bond with him?" Auburn hues rolled at the ludicrous belief of the Strawberry, grumbling. "Honestly, I don't know what you see in him," he hissed quietly. "The brat."  
>"Watch it Renji. You'll regret trying to pick a fight with me if you insult Toushirou like that again." It was a fair warning for the daredevil. However, the daredevil loved to take a challenge. "He might be—"<br>"I'm serious! There's nothing special about him! He's just a Taichou that can't get laid. Almost all women are older than him, and same with the men." Renji snorted. "If he's going to get laid, he might as well—"

Having warned him already, the carrot top punched him in the face; it was hard enough to knock him to the ground with a quick bruise. Pain throbbed in the location, but Renji stood up to fight the agony in his cheek as he looked at Ichigo eye to eye. He whispered a quiet apology for being a jerk before giving him a look as if to say that he wanted a kiss before he left. Knowing that he would never have a shot with the little captain, Ichigo obliged by giving him a kiss before nudging him to leave.

"You become an asshole when you don't have sex after a while." Renji smirked as he walked away.  
>Ichigo shook his head at this, "I wonder where I heard something like that before." He turned around.<br>"Next time he insults me, please allow me to punch him first." Toushirou scowled. "Understood?"  
>"He's just jealous because you get more attention." The carrot top looked at him. "Don't mind him."<br>His attention went to the young man walking towards the house. "Kurosaki… do you plan to…"  
>"You have nothing to worry about, I won't do anything to you." With that, he opened the door.<p>

"Not yet, at least."

Ichigo wanted to cringe at the hurtful words, but did his best to keep his emotions in check and not say a word about it. However, it hurt him to think that Toushirou would think so lowly of him. He closed and locked the front door before following him upstairs to his bedroom before placing a hand on the wall above the captain's head. Toushirou tensed for a moment until looking up and glaring at the carrot top that tried to intimidate him, only to see that he looked more upset than anything else.

"Why do you have to attack me?" Ichigo asked softly. "You've been here for a month, vulnerable and helpless if you want to keep your title. If I wanted to take advantage of you, I would've done it already."  
>"So you don't want to take advantage of me, but you want to sleep with me, is that it?" He shoved him away, and Ichigo winced at the hit to the chest that has still not healed. "K-Kurosaki… I… I didn't—"<br>Gold hues glared at him fiercely for a moment, only to revert to brown hues of pain. "I'm not a player…" He grimaced in pain. "Do you really think I would want to hurt you like that after you've been r—"

"Don't you dare say that word Kurosaki—"

Ichigo covered his mouth, "repeatedly mistreated." When the captain realized he was going to be careful with his words, he continued. "I went up against _Soul Society_, _**twice**_, for you. Do you have that little faith in me to be a good friend?" His brown hues looked at him. "With all the power that I have, it would be easy to do anything to you or anyone else. But I respect everyone in my own way, and I…" He cut himself short before confessing his feelings again to him. "…and I have homework to do. Excuse me."

"Kuro—" Toushirou watched as the Strawberry walked around him to open the door and get busy with his homework. The cold feeling sent shivers down his spine. He gathered himself up to act like a cocky captain before entering the room and locking the door behind him. "Can you blame me?" He asked firmly, crossing his arms. "Can you blame me for having little faith in others after what happened?"

"I don't blame you, I don't pity you, and I don't think you're a scared boy that's weak." He sat on his chair quietly; exhaling a heavy sigh. "I see you for who you are, Toushirou… not what happened to you."  
>His façade faltered at this once again. Trying to show a front would not work with this man. "Then what do you see." Ichigo opened his mouth to speak, but he added. "What do you see, when you see me."<br>This had the Strawberry smiling weakly. "At the moment, I see a strong young man that's trying to look for trouble." He knew what he was worried about. "Have I treated you any differently than before?"

"No, but—"

"Then why can't that be enough for you?" He turned on the chair to begin his work. "Talking to you, about you, is starting to get a little uncomfortable for me." Luckily, his cheeks were not reddening.  
>"Is it uncomfortable for you because I'm a victim?" Silence filled the air at the words. Having danced around it the entire time, he wanted to see this man's reaction. "Why else would you be so—"<br>Out of anger, Ichigo grabbed his textbook and threw it against the room. "It's not about that! I don't think about it! Stop trying to look for trouble when there is none!" He panted heavily for losing control.  
>The little captain was startled by the aggression and tried to stay under control himself. "Then why is it so uncomfortable for you to talk to me, about me. It's easy to talk about me when it comes to Abarai."<br>"How are you so innocent…" Ichigo was exhausted that he gave up. "What I see, what I think, and what I feel about you should not matter to you." He rubbed his face. "I need to get some air, I'm sorry that I—"

"You don't have to apologize for showing your emotions, Kurosaki." He was grateful to see him vent. "To me, your opinions _do_ matter. I want to know what you think and what you see, because you're the only person who knows that those bastards…" His fists tightened. "…what they did to me." His eyes closed.

Getting up slowly, Ichigo could no longer resist as he got up and pressed the little captain against his torso with his hands over the little one's shoulders and head. It startled Toushirou for the moment, but he eased into the hug without returning it; he merely stood there and inhaled the carrot top's scent. No doubt that it was too emotional to continue carry the burden alone any longer, so perhaps it was time to place some of it on Ichigo's shoulders. This man has always protected him and stayed at his side… has never betrayed him… and has never hurt him. After feeling that Toushirou had calmed down, Ichigo took him by the shoulders and guided him to the bed to take a nap. To his surprise, the captain did not fight him in any manner, and instead, curled up under the covers and went to sleep.

Ichigo then quietly worked on his homework.

* * *

><p>Eyelids opened slowly to have turquoise hues focus in front of him, only to see the Strawberry sleeping right next to him, facing the ceiling. Not even thinking about anything else but protecting himself, he punched Ichigo in the face, sending him into a world of pain. Having been awakened by an attack, Ichigo sat up and pinned the captain down to punch him in return until realizing it was him.<p>

"Toushirou…" He released him and rubbed his face. "What was that for!"  
>Toushirou did not falter though. "What are you doing sleeping next to me!"<br>"You asked me if you could!" Both of them were yelling centimeters apart.  
>"…what?" His body froze at this, watching the angry carrot top glare at him.<p>

"Look around, you're on my futon, not my bed! You woke me up about an hour ago, shaking from a nightmare or whatever, and asked to come down on the floor to lay with me!" Ichigo rubbed his face a little more; the captain could really throw a punch despite his size. "Not only do I have to be verbally attacked for my actions, now physically too?" He got up, revealing himself in his boxers and tank top before he put on some sweatpants to leave the room. "I'll just sleep downstairs like I used to." His—

"I'm sorry!" After these words escaped his mouth, Ichigo looked at him, just as surprised. "I was…" The words were hesitant to come out. "I was startled. It's not often I sleep in one location, and then wake up elsewhere." It took a moment, but realized that Ichigo did not have a hard time breathing when sleeping a moment ago. "Did Inoue Orihime come to heal you while I was resting? Or have you self-healed?"

Turning his gaze to stare at him for a moment, Ichigo was a little surprised. "You were healing me." A brief pause hit the room. "After I said you could lie next to me, you lied beside me and your hand over my chest, subconsciously healing the damaged organs. Able to breathe better, I fell asleep as well."  
>"Are you fully healed?" Turquoise hues caught the unhappy look. "Then… come back and lie down, perhaps I can finish what I started. If that does not work, then perhaps sleeping next to you with a hand on your chest will somehow trigger another necessary healing session for you." He watched him sharply.<br>Ichigo began to return to the futon until thinking about it; it was best that he did not do so. "I should go downstairs to give you space. The punch hurt." With that, he turned to leave the room. Shuffling was heard behind him, and knew that Toushirou stood up. "Go to bed Toushirou, you need your sleep to—"  
>"My sleep bares no comparison to your wounds." His fists clenched. "I've never woke to someone next to me, not even during the events. Before I could acknowledge that it was you, I attacked you in fear for what could have happened despite that you were sleeping." He took a breath. "I am sorry that I hit you."<p>

"I accept your apology, goodnight, Toushirou." He left the bedroom gracefully.

It was to his surprise that the carrot top had still decided to sleep downstairs regardless of the honest apology for his actions. This was making him wonder if this was a statement of Ichigo truly wanting to give him space, or that he did not believe his apology was real. Waiting for an hour—until it was three in the morning, Toushirou got up and walked downstairs to check on the carrot top to see him sleeping on the couch. Guilt slowly began to fester within the captain with each step he made towards the host, a bruise was sporting itself around Ichigo's eye and cheek. The only thing to make him feel happy was the fact that he could hear Ichigo breathing a lot better than he had been in a long time. Coming less than a meter close to Ichigo, he wanted to heal him since it seemed that he was almost finished from what he could understand. Thinking lightly on things for the first time, he got down on his knees, and placed his hands on Ichigo's chest—over his heart, to heal the rest of the damages he caused.

Ichigo began to stir at the touch, but instead of waking, his hand came up and grabbed Toushirou's wrists without knowing it. It startled the captain whom only watched and waited to see what he was going to do to him for touching without permission. His lips were moving, but there were no words that escaped; whether it was important or not was a mystery to the captain. As he began to heal the sleeping male, the hold on his wrists loosened, and Ichigo's mouth continued moving inaudibly.

"…hurts…" a word finally slipped out of Ichigo's mouth.

It was instantaneous that the captain stopped in case he would reveal more words for him, only to realize that he was having a nightmare. At this point, Toushirou did not know whether to wake him up or to leave him alone in order to continue to finish healing him. The pain was real, though, as he began mumbling a few things as if talking to Renji about an event of some sort. Not taking long to realize that he was talking about the events of the day a few months ago, Toushirou finished healing him quickly. In a flash, Ichigo's grip on the captain's wrists lightly tightened and pulled him up against him; forcing the smaller one to lose his balance and fall on top of the sleeper. Half of the time it would appear that the teenager was a heavy sleeper whereas the other half of the time he would be a light sleeper.

"K-Kuro—"

"Sorry…Tou…ro…" Ichigo mumbled in his sleep. "Don…angry…" His arms wrapped around the captain in a gentle manner, keeping him close. "Don't…b… an…" He shifted his head slightly, allowing him to nestle into Toushirou's hair. "So…sorry…" The carrot top gave a low grunt. "Not…ma…mad…"

Toushirou felt upset about the fact that Ichigo was feeling so guilty. "Kurosaki…" The male did not budge in the slightest. "Kurosaki, wake up." He tensed as Ichigo's lips parted at a small shake from the captain. "Ku…ro…" Slowly but surely, his eyes were in a trance at his parted lips. "Sa…ki…" Gravity was lowering his head towards the carrot top's; his lips lowering towards him as if he was hypnotized.

"You would do something against another's will?" Ichigo asked tiredly, and felt Toushirou bristle.  
>"I was checking your breathing since you knocked me over." He lied smoothly even though it failed.<br>The teen sat up slowly with his arms still loosely wrapped around the slender captain. "Really?"  
>"Yes, Idiot. Are you calling me a liar?" There was a hole that he was burying himself in quickly.<p>

"No, of course not." Feeling that his arms were around the other, he removed his arms. "Sorry, I didn't know I was holding you." On Toushirou's face, Ichigo saw the light blush. He smiled weakly. "Would you still care to check my breathing? It might be irregular still." There was no pressure, and no ill thoughts.

If anything, it was more of a tease to see if the captain wanted to try kissing him again with the victim now awake for the assault. As fast as he was out of the mood, Toushirou was lured by Ichigo's gentle voice to coax him back into a state of arousal. He shifted around to sit on the young man's lap before trying to determine whether he wanted to try kissing him again. A small hand rose up to inspect his lips to see if they were soft or not, but looked to see the brown hues looking at him curiously. As if his mind was read, Ichigo closed his eyes to make things more interesting as Toushirou took in the gesture.

His fingers lightly brush against the Strawberry's lips, they were firm and dry. "You should drink water more often." A smile appeared beneath his fingers, creating his own weak smile in the process, until a question brewed in his mind. "As nice of a man as you are, why was I drawn to say cruel things to you?"

Ichigo's lips curved into a frown at this, "don't think about the past."  
>"How can I not when you bring it up?" His upset thoughts showed on his face.<br>"Not about…" he took a moment to be quiet. "I'm sorry, I won't speak of it again then."  
>It took a moment to realize that the subject was not supposed to change. "Why won't you—"<br>"We've been through this, you're not allowed to ask about that night. Don't disobey an order please."

"If it's you giving me the order, then I think I can deal with the consequences. You never listened to me when I gave you an order anyway." As he saw Ichigo trying to find a way out of the mess, the captain crossed his arms. "I'm not getting up until you tell me what happened that night, understand, Kurosaki?"

"I already embarrassed myself once in front of you, I'm not going to make the same mistake again by telling you what happened or what I said to trigger everything else." Ichigo was angry. "Now get off."  
>The icy words were heard loud and clear, but he stayed firm. "How were you embarrassed by words? If the event happened immediately after you told me that you knew about my past, how does that work!"<br>"I said get off," he bellowed in a firm tone. "It shouldn't matter to you. It shouldn't matter to anyone because it's none of their business either." Ichigo wanted to remove the captain, but could not touch.  
>"Why? Everyone hates me; Soul Society, Hinamori, Matsumoto, Hyourinmaru, <em>you<em>. I have a right to know what everyone hates me so much!" As he said this, there was a flicker of anger in Ichigo's eyes.

Ichigo motioned his body forward to have the captain fall backwards against the couch. "I don't hate you—I could never hate you." The position rattled the captain's mind as his eyes showed panic. "Look at _me_." He was like a frightened bird trapped in a cage. "I'm not hurting you, I'm not even touching you." Brown hues watched him try to settle down. "You're right, you should know why everyone is very upset with you. For that, I suppose I could shed some light on your worrying."

This made the fear and panic flee from Toushirou completely. "You'll tell me?"

With a soft nod, Ichigo removed himself from the couch, and into the kitchen to cook an early morning meal for them. The captain followed like a dog to its Master for breakfast. "After the sore subject was announced and fresh in your mind, I wanted to protect you. By thinking that another confession would help settle things, I told you something else. You were still raging from your fear aggression that you lashed out at me and called me any horrible thing you could think of." As he grabbed some pots and pans, his guest sat at the table. "The problem was that my statement to another subject was more open to everyone's ears, which furthered your aggression due to the humiliation of my words. So when you lashed out, it made everyone else unhappy with you."

"Then after that, you turned into a Hollow?" Toushirou asked quietly, earning a silent nod.  
>"After being called so many horrible things, I became weak in that moment, and my Hollow took over and I went on a rampage. Only after you returned, I came back to my senses, but at the worst timing."<br>He thought about it for a moment and decided to ask. "What did you say in public?"  
>"…nothing about you." Ichigo came over and gave the little captain his breakfast. "Eat up while I get you some milk." He saw him twitch at this before going to the fridge. "Drink milk if you want to be taller."<br>In a daring manner, Toushirou scoffed at this. "You can't make me drink that."

This was no challenge for the carrot top who closed the refrigerator after getting more ingredients. "As a matter of fact, I can." Turquoise hues looked at him, wanting to see him try. "I can order you to drink it. I can pry your mouth open and force it down your throat. I can put the milk in my mouth and kiss you to have you drink it. There are a few more ways, but I think it would be wise for you to drink it by yourself."

Not enjoying the threat, Toushirou nodded once, and received a glass of milk. He tried to think for a moment before asking in a gentle tone. "You still haven't told me what you said in public." This caused Ichigo to stop dead in his tracks for a moment. "You said something that embarrassed you, and yet it was enough to make me feel humiliated." Ichigo had yet to move, so the captain continued thinking aloud. "I honestly don't know what could humiliate me enough to say anything rude to you like that."

"It doesn't matter, eat up." The Strawberry whispered softly—sounding like his pride was hurt.  
>Toushirou frowned at this briefly until he thought of an idea. "It matters to me, Kurosaki."<br>"Nothing will be gained by knowing what I said." He poured a glass of milk for himself.  
>"Then there's nothing to lose." His gaze went to the meal. "But I gain the knowledge—"<p>

"Toushirou," Ichigo's voice was so soft… so gentle, that it was almost heartbreaking. It was like a father trying to tell his son that someone dear to them had died. "I answered your questions, please leave it."  
>It was true, but false. Although Ichigo answered majority of his questions, he still left out something that was considered as critical information. "But—" Brown hues turned to look at Toushirou; they were hurt.<br>"Please," Ichigo covered his face with a hand to keep himself together. Someone cleared their throat at the doorway, causing them both to look at the man in surprise, "Renji… what are you doing here?"  
>"Did Hitsugaya-Taichou break you so bad that you're going to cry about it now?" The Pineapple watched as the emotionless Ichigo returned to face him. "Why don't you tell him if it's going to kill you anyway."<p>

"What part of keeping your mouth shut, do you not understand?" Ichigo stood up tall in front of him. "You know that I am _not_ afraid to kill you, Renji." He closed the gap between them, and placed his hand around the redhead's neck; testing to see if he was willing to test him. "Are you going to betray me?"  
>"Ichigo, it <em>killed<em> me to see you in so much pain." It was as if Toushirou was not even there right now; just Ichigo and Renji talking. "If you won't tell him, _I_ will." He felt Ichigo's hand shake with restraint. "He has already scarred you for life… what more can he do to you? It isn't like he can hurt you anymore than—"  
>"If I tell him, and it backfires again," he released the lieutenant because he did not want to hurt him, "then there is a high chance that I will lose what left we have." Still, Renji had a point, and he needed to try, even if he would get hurt again. "Fine…" Ichigo walked away to make some tea. "I have a headache."<br>"That's because you haven't had sex in a month!" The Strawberry scowled at the other as began taking a sip of his milk. "If you don't want to use me, get a prostitute!" Renji and Toushirou watched as Ichigo sprayed his beverage against the sink and wall. "What! Rukia and Inoue told me about them!"

"That's how you get diseases," Ichigo looked at him. "And no, I'm not going to sleep with anyone."  
>"Not even me?" Arms crossed as the Pineapple dared him to refuse. "I thought I was great in bed."<br>He chuckled at this. "You were when we were sleeping together. But you scratch my back a lot."  
>Red as his hair, Renji hissed at him. "I don't know what you're talking about. My nails are trimmed."<p>

"Kurosaki."

Ichigo turned to look at Toushirou whom had finished his meal, and his drink. However, he was starting to becoming uncomfortable about the subject that the two were talking about in front of him. It was a touchy subject regardless of the case. The carrot top nodded softly before telling Renji that it was time for him to leave because it was still early. Once Ichigo confirmed to the Pineapple that he would tell the little captain the reason by the end of the night, Renji left and locked the door behind him.

"…thank you," Toushirou barely managed to whisper. His gaze went to his empty plate because he did not feel good about himself for having Ichigo get rid of his other guest like that. "I'm sorry I asked—"

"Hey, Toushirou?" The Strawberry started gently as he poured both of them a glass of tea. He then came over to the table to sit in front of him. "Will it be okay with you, if we…" he paused to think of a word.  
>"Kurosaki, I can't…" His mind instantly jumped to bed, and it was scaring him to think that Ichigo would be asking this from him. "I told you that I'm not willing to sleep with anyone, I'm barely comfortable—"<br>"No … not that, sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it that way." Ichigo watched him become a little more confused. "I was trying to find better words than 'hanging out,' I didn't mean to worry you."  
>"You want to… hang out… with me?" Turquoise hues watched the tall male nod softly. It was the first time someone had asked him to spend time with him. "Why?" Ichigo frowned. "Why with me?"<br>"Because I want to have a good day with you as friends before I tell you the rest of what happened." He turned his attention to his glass of tea. "After I tell you… I'll release you from this Hell, no matter what."  
>"You'll… you'll let me go back to Soul Society after you tell me?" Ichigo nodded. "And I can even keep my position as Taichou." He earned another nod. "I don't understand—why would you do that for me?"<p>

Ichigo took a moment before cracking a weak smile. "…you'll know soon enough."

* * *

><p><strong>IMPORTANT:<strong> Okay, so you can't really expect me to update any time soon. I am moving in 20 days, 1300 miles (2093 kilometers) away from where I'm currently living. It'll be a while for me to get back on my game!


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